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The stop word is the key to trust and understanding in BDSM-relationships.

Stop-word

Stop-word, BDSM, BDSM-community, submission, domination, newbie, BDSM-culture, BDSM-relationships, SSC
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It seems that there is nothing simpler in the concept than Stop-word. You choose the word, approve it together and then use it. However, this concept is still controversial in the BDSM-community.

What is a stop word? This is a conventional sign that a Submissive gives to a Dominant, when it’s no longer possible to withstand the impact, and which stops the session immediately.

Stop-word can be either a word or some non-verbal action.

I. Signal to Action

1) Simplicity

Before choosing a stop-word, it is necessary to discuss it with Bottom. Don’t choose the random one. It is advisable to choose a word that means something to him/her and is impossible to forget during the session. Both partners will be in the altered state of consciousness and can forget or confuse something. This word should be simple and easily pronounced.

2) Stop word must be completely out of the BDSM context.

For example, "no", "enough", "stop" are not appropriate. Slave can pronounce these words in the format of the game, for example while playing rape scenario. If you choose something like this for a stop-word, than misunderstanding can arise. Master would probably ignore it, or stop the session, even if Submissive was enjoying the process and didn’t think about stopping it.

3) Permission to stop-word.

It seems like in the format of SSC there must definitely be a stop-word. It sometimes happens that self-confident, self-righteous and experienced Dominants forget about it. Even if it’s true - the Submissive should be completely sure that he/she will be heard on time and the session will be stopped. And what’s important – he/she won’t be blamed for saying it. Even if nothing serious happened and the Submissive simply panicked. Top should calm the Sub by talking to him, comforting him and making it clear that nothing terrible has happened. No matter how disappointed Dominant was that the session was interrupted, he/she shouldn’t show their discontent.

 Don't stop, until you hear the word1. Don't stop, until you hear the word

4) The Dominant’s name

Some experts recommend to use the name of Top as a stopword - the name draws attention much more reliably than any other words. This option is quite good, provided that the couple doesn’t accept the use of names in the format of BDSM-relations.

II. Gesture as a Stop-word.

In some cases, Sub can’t talk. Then you need to find an opportunity for a Sub to give a signal that something isn’t right. The simplest and most common method is holding an object in the hand. It is enough for Submissive to just unclench the hand - the sound of an object touching the ground will be a signal to stop the session.

You can also use a bell that is tied to the arm or leg of the Sub. But it is necessary that the lace should be tied in such way that he/she could simply pull it on purpose, not by accident.

“No” doesn’t mean “Stop”

Besides, you can agree upon some specific movements that indicate. For example, sudden clap, a punch, or kick on the floor or bed.

Depending on the chosen practice, you can come up with other ways of signaling non-verbally. It’s important to agree on this before the session starts, and not to lose control.

III. Word-signals

Please do not confuse word-signals with stop-words. Word-signals are mostly used by new couples that haven’t yet fully studied their partners and need some help in understanding each other.

Such words as green, yellow, red are widespread in BDSM-culture.

Green - everything is fine, let’s continue.

Yellow – be gentle, please, I'm nervous, too much, a little bit softer.

Red - stop, please, I can’t take it anymore.

How does the word "red" differ from the stop word? "Red" stops the practice, but not the session itself. Top shouldn’t stop the session, but just eliminate the unpleasant sensations of the Sub.

Silent pleasure2. Silent pleasure

IV. Signals of pleasure

Why were the word-signals invented? Why can’t you just use words for that purpose?

In general, one could use the usual words "everything’s ok", "continue", "softer", "Stop, I can’t take it anymore", but during the action Submissive is in an altered state of consciousness. Means he can’t or doesn’t want to say it, because it will ruin the whole session. It’s much easier to say "green", "yellow" "red" without being distracted by spacious explanations.

Dominants often insist on the exclusion of the stop-word, because they don’t want to be dominated "from the underneath". They don’t want Sub to tell them what to do.

But this is simply necessary on the initial stage of BDSM-relationships. In future, probably, stop-words will become a conventional element. However, it must remain, as it is one of the basic rules of SSC.

2018-03-29

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