KinkyGalaxy
The article will help a BDSM newbie to prepare oneself before the first meeting with a partner and to learn the basic notions of security and safety. How to stay on guard in any case and listen to your mind before the heart.

The first meeting – how to make it right for both partners?

The first meeting – how to make it right for both partners?
402

BDSM community unites all kinds of people, however there is a percentage of people, who misunderstood the main idea of it. That situation occurs in many ideologies and sometimes this misunderstanding leads to a wrong, twisted concept of a good one. We hope that this article will help lost sheep to understand the real meaning of BDSM and use its ideas properly, without any risks.

The first step is the most important, isn’t it? It is hard to answer the question "How to find bdsm partner?". Therefore be ready to make it satisfying, not terrifying. In order to do so, let’s check the basic notions of how it should look like.

What do you know about the person you’re meeting with?

New relationship has a side-effect contrary to the chance of meeting a loving, good person. It is risk. That fact becomes even more important in BDSM. You MUST ask your new partner frequently about everything that is bothering, annoying or suspicious. Communication is always the best variant in this case.

If you are a member of some club, test the waters about this person. Contact several co-members of yours and ask whether a person is trustworthy. We are sure, they will tell you something interesting for you to make a decision about the person mentioned.

The first meeting: Bondage1. The first meeting: Bondage

In case the person is standing on the point that he is a good practice of BDSM and has long-time experience in it, but the community doesn’t know anything about him, won’t it be a bad sign for you?

If you meet contradictions ask the person about them. You need information to be calm and let the person be with you. In BDSM trust between Top and Bottom is a paramount factor. Therefore inquire his real name, mobile phone and a page in a social media (or at least an e-mail).

Remember, the person who can’t be checked doesn’t worth your time, because the end of the story may be not with a bang, but with a whimper.


Where you meet

The #1 rule here is to meet at a public place. The café or a restaurant will be a perfect place for that purpose. There, you will be able to get a proper acquaintance. Besides, here you will decide whether you want to speak to a person or not. You can easily leave, if you don’t like the person.

We don’t recommend you to drink alcohol during the first meeting. It won’t help you, but make it worse. You won’t be able to analyze the whole picture of a person, check his pros and cons. If you are nervous and can’t handle tremor before a meeting take a sip of wine, not an entire bottle. It will be enough.

If you are invited to participate in BDSM meeting in an unknown club – refuse it. However, if we speak about the club you have already been in, you may agree. This way you will get to know him in a practical way. But still, it is highly unrecommended to get into action so fast. Remember, you will have enough time with a good person.

The first meeting: helplessness2. The first meeting: helplessness


Listen closely

What does a person across the table says? You need to put an effort to listen to every single word. Think about implicit meanings and look into his eyes. As it was said earlier – communication is a key to success in this case.

If you listen to him/her and can’t find a grain of truth in his words, it is a very bad sign. Surely, a person needs to tell you everything about self as well as you do, but it doesn’t mean that you need to listen to milk-and-water. Now, listen to your intuition. What does it say about the person? Our mind is met this way that in the first second we hear something strange, we begin to hesitate and receive warning impulses.

Even if you feel strong emotions to a person near you, do not hurry. Be attentive and continue to ask questions. Without waxing too poetic, it can save your life or save you from the psychological and physical traumas.

If that person says following phrases or the analogues – run:

  • “I don’t use stop-words”
  • “True sub can’t have taboo”
  • “You are bottom, so you can’t say what you want and what you don’t”

Vanilla meeting are almost the same, however, there is a difference. While in BDSM session, you can face the fact that you are 1 on 1 with a person. In worst scenario, you are tied and can’t do anything. If your partner is, even slightly, out of his mind, you can be sure that it will all go wrong and painful in all aspects.

  • Inform your friends about the place and time of the meeting. When you plan to finish it.
  • Don’t change the place right before a meeting and don’t accept such a change initiated by your partner.
  • Be quick and don’t waste time there.

It is better for you to make several meetings with the same scenario. Until you understand that you trust each other. And both know what you want.


Instinct of self-preservation is your best advisor

You shouldn’t be afraid of every person you are meeting with. No! However, there is a chance to meet a bad person in both vanilla and BDSM relationships. You can count on your internal sensors. You will feel anxiety with such a person, even if a person seems very nice at first. The topic of the first meeting should be the rules of the next meetings. What kinds of play can be used and which are taboo. Stay your ground and don’t listen to: “Let’s try it, you will like, I promise!”.

What is Silent Alarm?

It proves to be helpful method to understand the nature of a person next to you. The one is used in the first BDSM meetings.

“Silent alarm” is a term referring to a person of the highest trust. The friend, who can be trusted in any case.

The first meeting: handcuffs3. The first meeting: handcuffs

You need to choose some special code messages and challenge phrases that can signalize of an imminent danger. The “Silent alarm” friend needs to call you within a particular timeframe and hear an approval that everything is alright.

“Silent Alarm” friend should gather as much information as possible from you: what is the name and the phone of the person, what is a model of the vehicle and its number to send it to police. And yes, he/she must call 911 after the first sign of danger.

Or it went bad and you need help ASAP. Don’t be afraid to use such method, because there is nothing wrong in it. It is better not to USE it, than not to HAVE it.

By the way, if everything goes right, do not forget to ring off your “Silent Alarm”, but we highly suggest you do it in the end of the meeting.

Remember the first rule: the feeling of safety is the paramount aspect in BDSM relationships. Therefore how to find a BDSM partner is the hard question we will return to in many articles ahead!
2018-03-29

Comments:

Add comment

Be the first to leave a comment!